Diane's

I would love to spend much more time with my children and grandchildren. I would love to be able to give them everything in life that they will ever need. I miss most the time that I would like to be playing with and holding my grandchildren. I sometimes have to just let it go so that it don't break my heart apart each and every day.

I want a lot, but I accept that I may never have it. I am grateful for what I do have, even if it don't seem like much to others. Living out of a tent for a year is tough work. I have been blessed with three wonderful husbands (yes, I think my two former husbands are wonderful) six wonderful children and 2 grandchildren. Via marriage I have two more children and two more grandchildren. I am blessed to have them all in my life.

My children are my greatest accomplishments. I understand we had problems and got a divorce, but for the most part I believe I was a good wife and mother. I might tell some of my story on this later. I think I am most disappointed in myself. When I couldn't be perfect in every way, I would feel like I was a failure and quit for a spell. During those times of depression, I would make unwise decisions or actions that would affect the rest of my life and sadly all those around me. Sometime very small actions causes large reactions. I went from being everything to everyone to hardly even knowing who I was to myself.

I bless and thank God for those that have been there for me. I am sadden and feel the loss for those who have chosen to not be there for me. It is their choice and I do not judge them for the choices they have made. We each have to live our lives as we feel is right for us, and not as we think we should live it in someone else’s eyes.

It is so sad how we go through life wasting such precious time until we suddenly are faced with having little time left to complete all those hopes and dreams we carried through childhood and on into our adult lives. We take life for granted and that we will wake up tomorrow to see another sunrise, and live to witness another amazing sunset tonight. The only moment we have is the very moment we are living, and God wants us to make that moment count for all our hopes and dreams in case he won’t bless us with tomorrow.

I don’t really have any time to waste worrying about what could or should have been in the past. I am attempting to let all that go. I have to believe that God had a greater plan for each of us. Some days I would like to jump off a cliff and just shut myself off from the world and let my life go like the weakling that Satan has attempted to make of me. I have always been a fighter. To give into this weakness would be turning against all that I have believed myself to be my whole life. It is easy to be strong for others but it is sometimes difficult to be strong for myself. I knew a great person once whose famous words were "stay strong." Many times when I am weak at heart, I think of this again and manage to pull myself up by my boot strings.

Nothing is fair in this life, and that is the only constant that I have found to be true. The best advice that I can give is hope that one day someone who is giving up on life will learn a life full of lessons from my experience, and not waste one more meaningful moment of their own on “wasted moments.” If I could leave one lasting memory of Diane when I leave this life on earth, it would be that it is never too late to turn your life around and appreciate every single day for the day that it is. Find just one good thing about that day that will be your one final memory of that day if you should not be blessed enough to wake up to the sun shining in your eyes tomorrow. Don’t look to the past about what could had been or forward to what might be, be happy for "what is" right this very moment.

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