Parallel to the story... yet not exact are similar feelings or thoughts.

The truth is that it hurts nowhere and everywhere. That is, the pain is not just physical, not something that can be pointed out, poked at, and remedied. Rather, the pain is deeply seeded within my mind and quite possibly within my very being. It appears my wall has fulfilled its purpose in blocking out the emotion, the feeling, and the connectivity with life outside of the mind. All is dulled all is distant like a ship's "smoke on the horizon," an image that is as enigmatic as it is eloquent. 

Drifting consciousness and hazy realization of being spoken to from both outside of my mental wall and inside my physical one. 

Is it a childhood memory?  It's even possible that the mental picture symbolically portrays the root of the disorder. Ship imagery is often used to convey departure and sacrifice. Could the ship on the horizon  symbolize my father constantly hovering on the horizon of my mind. Water is often a maternal symbol, the mother's false sense of  protection.  Water is often a symbol of the mind as well, reflecting the multiple layers and unfound depths of the human psyche. The water (mother / mind) intensify the root icon of the ship constantly on the horizon, ultimately producing the overwhelming sense of distance and isolation.

Regressing back into my mind and, more specifically, the childhood memory of being sick or hurt. Recalling that memory now because at the present moment, I  feel similar effects to that illness many years past. This parallel between the past and present shows what little has changed. Sure, the innocence has been left in the dust of experience, but the raw emotion and the impression of being lost, isolated, and without an anchor are relatively the same. Relatively nothing has changed aside from the completion of his wall.  It is that which causes disorientation; to feel incapable of any connection, even linguistic, and which prompts to simply state  "can't explain- you would not understand."

This is the way I am. Been this way since a child and with the construction and completion of the wall, this is how it has remained. These recent occurrences are merely the recycled experiences of my past. Been in this state before and will continue to remain here until destroys the wall and progresses into life without being "comfortably numb," that is without dulling the pain and past trauma by whatever means necessary. Yet for the time being I remain "how I am" by numbing the effects of the physical world with work and the mental world with the wall.

I find out that there are people "out there," yet those who find me at this time severely reinforce my wall rather than help deconstruct it.

Things do interrupt the regression, thereby obstructing my metaphysical journey to reconnect with my roots and find a way out of my wall.

"Fleeting glimpse" Life is an often long, arduous trip whose dividends are usually not equivalent to what is invested. Life and the people in it are full of masks, full of walls, deceit, double-speak, pain, and suffering.

Or it's a fleeting glimpse of a life, and a world, without walls. Everyone on the planet at one time or another wishes they could go back to the innocence of their childhood, that they could see the world through the eyes of a child. All of us, when we're children, have this fleeting glimpse. I think it's 'fleeting' because this 'innocence' of childhood probably only lasts until we're three of four years old, and few of us are even fully self-aware before we're two years old. That means for two years of our life (practically an instant in a 50 year life) we exist in a state where we feel safe, cared for, and untroubled. We're completely undistracted by material concerns, egos, and so on. And we trust everybody, implicitly. And then it's gone. The child has grown, the dream (of a world without walls) is gone."

Or could that glimpse be something as simple and universal as hope and love, things that are sorely lacking from my life as both a child and an adult. I was loved as a child by my mother, yet this false protective love is so selfishly centered on my mother's own feelings of loss that it becomes distorted into something more akin to suffering. It's possible that I simply hope, even if it's for a brief time. Perhaps  hope to be of great value or for a life without my wall or even something as seemingly simple as being accepted. However, whatever hope I had has departed in the shadow of the wall that will consume life for the rest of  youth and into  adulthood. Subsequently, "fleeting glimpse" disappears like the innocence of a grown child, the departed "dream" replaced by the unsettling reality of a life full of walls, masks, spoiled fantasies, and failed hopes. It is a life where, one either acts or is acted upon with grievous consequences.

Latest dramatic metamorphosis! It is the raging change from one who has formerly been acted upon (at least in my own mind) to one who is finally about to act. People and trails are sources for the bricks in the wall, each one spawning an emotion that ultimately lead to the creation of alienated mental landscape.

The wall could be more injurious than advantageous. Built this giant defense mechanism out of the belief that no true connections could be made between two living things.  If a true, personal connection is possible, then the wall was built in vain. But from the opposing side, this memory could very well be a negative realization, a moment that reinforces  previous belief that all relationships end in ruin. All paths lead to pain, loss, and death, thereby justifying the completion of the wall.

I drop the wall for moments in time. Usually hurt, deceit. pain, anger, confusions rushes into my soul. It to bad that our life can't contain the joys, love, peace, and contentment that is brought to us in those few fleeding moments.